As we head towards Christmas and the end of the year I thought I would write down some thoughts about these last few months. I hope you can forgive me a little bit of indulgence this frosty morning.
Throughout the year both Ev and I have been sustained by the cards, e mails, phone calls and other messages of support. There is a presenter at Radio Humberside Steve Massam who observed that the only plus side of a serious illness is that it tends to bring relatives and friends closer together. Steve aside from his excellent professionalism is a real Gent. In wishing all readers a Happy Christmas I would like to thank all of you. In my life I have gone through many periods of self doubt but the level of support I have received makes me think that somewhere along the way I must have done something right.
One of my constant thoughts is that until anyone is faced with a potential personal crisis none of us knows how we shall react. Throughout my life I have tended to shy away from confrontation. That in some ways is fine but it can result in my failure to make my feelings known. This is bad not only for my health but also for others around me. Thus when we were given the news that I had cancer my initial reaction was oh okay. On the drive home in the car I remember saying to Ev that I would believe I would get better unless and until someone told me different. I went on to say that if the news was all bad we would deal with it at that point. The first time I cried was when I had to tell Andrea the news.
I would not regard myself as an expert on illnesses of this nature but I did firmly believe that I wanted people to know and that it was important to say how I was feeling.It was with this in mind that Ev suggested I start this blog. Apart from being very therapeutic, it also has the merit of letting you all know how things are. When I have heard of folk being poorly I have often wondered should I ring or not. At least this way you know the state of play.
This may come as a surprise to some but I have never regarded myself as being mentally tough. Yet I do remember the Anesthetist at Southampton Hospital just before the operation telling me that was what I would need. Looking back I guess I have just got on with it. Mind you without Ev I don't know how I would have coped. She has been patient, encouraging and full of helpful suggestions. As I have remarked before in many ways it is easier for the patient than the carer.
Other funny things come back to me. During my stay in Hospital they gave me some morphine to take to ease the pain. The effect on me was to hear voices. I vividly recall sitting in a chair with my eyes closed(not asleep) and imagining someone was giving me a glass of milk. I moved my hand out to take what turned out to be a non existent glass. This was very unnerving and I can see how people can get hooked on drugs. The other memory was a student nurse trying to disentangle various wires hooked up to drips etc. so that I could change gowns. We did a kind of weird dance. I reflected that outside of Hospital such behaviour would probably have had me arrested.
You may well have noticed if you have been reading these blogs is what I see as the importance of setting goals or if you prefer something you can look forward to(Mr. Addison my English Teacher will be turning in his grave at my ending a sentence with a preposition). For a start living on the Island is good in that we can see Andrea and her family regularly but Christopher and his family live a long way away. Including the ferry you are looking at the better side of 6 hours and that assumes there are no hold ups on the way. So number one target was to get well enough to go and see Christopher, Gillian, Jack, Lucy and Harry. That was a magic weekend in November. There was also our annual visit with friends to the RSC and of course Angel Radio.
For 2010, number one is to continue to get better. Number two is to take the cruise to the North Cape on the Queen Mary 2 in June. Number three is to enjoy life which is very precious. No doubt other things will come along.
I also wanted on this blog to reflect a little on my experiences with the NHS but that will do for another day. Thank you for your patience in reading this.
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